Two Daughters

One Illness

Mental health. It’s something my husband Steve and I never truly understood and probably thought we were immune too. We’ve always been creative, productive people who just got things done. We also raised three very busy children teaching them to also be creative and productive people. And so mental health wasn’t something we thought much of over those years while raising our young family.

But until recently, we didn’t truly understand why our two beautiful daughters, Chelsea, now aged 29 and Olivia 22 were suffering. A lot. These sisters inherently carried the same gene pool…although 7 years apart, they were exactly 9 lbs at birth.

They think, laugh, create, sing and even talk like one person (I’m their mother and I never know which one is on the line). They’re also intelligent, passionate and loving women with a heart for others. One may be blonde, the other may be brunette, but they are virtually the same person.

But sadly, it’s also from this same gene pool where we would recognize that they both suffered similar mental illnesses.

When we look back, we can trace early issues in both sisters.

Chelsea at age 5 could not, would not, leave our side. She wouldn’t go from one room to the next in our small bungalow, without holding her hand. Ever. Neither would she sleep in her own bedroom by herself. Ever. It was frustrating for both Steve and I. At age 5 we had her assessed by a therapist who said she suffered from Separation Disorder. His solution was to have her hold onto an electrical light switch while in her bed so that the room stayed alight until she fell asleep. The light would automatically then switch off. Of course, that wouldn’t work (we didn’t even try this dangerous idea) and so we just carried on as before.

Olivia also suffered a type of “Separation Disorder” although it was never officially diagnosed. From the ages of 2 to 10, she slept on a mattress beside our bed. Both sisters had beautiful bedrooms they never used. We just didn’t understand.

But as they got older, they continued to fuel their creative talents:

Chelsea now owned a successful graphic design business and Olivia developed a YouTube family Vlog called “Liv & Reub” which at times sustained 98K views.

While we reviewed our family history, we had seen dysfunctional mental patterns on both sides of our families but never really thought that our own girls were suffering too. Growing up with “hormonal females,” we just thought that that was “normal,” one day happy, the next day, contentious and moody. But as they became adults and mothers, their conditions intensified. As we watched them collapse with the various mental chaos’ that fought for control in their lives, we saw our daughters at times, draw away from their married partners and children. They were at times, utterly miserable even though they were at other times living vibrant and loving lives.

And their lives still continued to consist of two realms: Really high highs and really low lows.

Quite often these two extremes would take them out and they would stay in bed for days until they recovered from debilitating anxiety, headaches, stomach complications, deep depression, difficult breathing and or generally copious amounts of uncontrollable tears. And just recently, the realization of self-injury was the hardest for us to understand. Both our daughters started engaging in different self-harm behaviours when they were found in crisis. Understanding the darkness that they would enter in and out of was a reality we could barely understand. We have always been a very close family but Steve and I were regularly reduced to tears. To maintain sanity, we held on tightly to one another as we lifted them up in daily prayer.

And then recently, on one Sunday night when Olivia’s crisis became too real, she signed herself into Joseph Brant Hospital. She was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. It was then that they prescribed medications that began to work. As a wife and mom, we saw her become stable, happy, productive, and confident.

Several weeks later, I also brought Chelsea to Joseph Brant Hospital while in crisis. She was admitted and she too was ultimately diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. And now with the support of professionals, appropriate medications and solid health information, she is now thriving in her new reality!

Is this just a “Millennial” (Chelsea) and “Generation Z” (Olivia) thing?

Nope.

This is an “Every Generational” thing.

It’s about keeping our eyes and ears open to those around us who are struggling. Our job is to keep asking questions and to keep knocking on doors as we remind our vulnerable loved ones that they are not alone. It’s a family effort, a friend effort and a professional/health and community effort. As we learn more and more about these illnesses, we can learn how to properly care for those around us. And we can pray.

About the Author

Since 2017, Nancy de Leeuw has been on staff with Compass Point Bible Church primarily working the front desk.

She and her husband Steve have journeyed a lifetime with their two daughters who were eventually diagnosed with Bipolar. This difficult experience together has strengthened them as a family and has glorified their God who has directed and protected them through it all.

A Great Resource: “Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder: A 4-Step Plan for You and Your Loved Ones to Manage the Illness and Create Lasting Stability” by Julie A. Fast and John Preston, PsyD.

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